Behold the red pen bandit!
For balls you really have to hand it.
To him, no pen is treasured,
To catch this thief one must be measured.

Note the bandit’s classic traits;
A pen behind each ear.
To each steal, he holds so dear,
Perhaps a teacher in yesteryear?

Populated with Bic memorabilia,
Including items that somehow seem familiar.
“Can I borrow your wee pen?”
he might chirpily inquire.
But something tells you,
That’s the voice of a liar!

At his abode, you’d no doubt discover,
Biros by the load, and of every colour.
So upon Millennium, when PC’s turn freaky,
Remember the bandit, charming but cheeky.

Your memory may be less than fond,
If not aggrieved, violated and wronged.
But when computers completely blow,
From the bandit’s pen, money will still flow.

Like a god-dammed squirrel, I have to hoard
By making frequent trips
to the stationary cupboard.
But by God, and the colour red,
We keep the bandit’s habit amply fed!!

23rd October 1998